RISE.
A little summary: with this word Rise, nothing happened for the first six months, I mean I made nothing happen. I didn’t have the energy I needed to launch myself back from the ground and up. I like to use the image of a rocket shooting into the sky, to the Universe. You need an incredible amount of inner power to make that happen for yourself. 🚀
And then in May I decided it was enough, this energy of idleness deserved a real kick in the b. I reached out to a therapist who helped me release some emotional blocks, and to a naturopath who helped me take better care of my body from within, and my energy came back. In just a few weeks, I stood up. I was rising again. Like a phoenix, literally. And it feels amazing. I feel at peace within, I have more vitality, I have a will to explore and move forward, and an inner fire that is slowly guiding me to where I want to go with my work.
By the end of August, I had come to the realization that I had in fact, yes, risen. Maybe that was it for the work I needed to do with this word for this year. Maybe I should look into subwords like Bloom in order to still work on something.
That’s when something else happened. I can’t quite explain yet, because it is still happening now.
I feel like I am not just a little rocket happily floating in the Universe, but rather this energy that came back to me is asking for something. Something more.
I want to be of service.
It is asking me to dare to go for those dreams I once had. But you know, life happens. Hurtful stuff happens. And then those dreams got dusty at the bottom of the drawer of Heartbreak. And this energy is now asking me to blow off that dust, so that I don’t just stand there, believing that life can be good, but that I dare to fully step into those beliefs and take real action to make these dreams happen. Again. My word is Rise, but truly, it is Rise Again.
I am scared to even write down those dreams I once had: a more fulfilling career, a husband, a family, a cute house with a garden full of wildflowers. I love my life as it is now, I don’t think I need to prove it, I live in a peaceful bubble of freedom within Heaven on Earth. But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to see anything else come into it. More life. Shared laughter. Shared meals. Shared waves. Shared love. It doesn’t mean my life cannot get even better, right?
For example, a dream of mine is to share this life with someone who understands me and is emotionally open, willing to grow as an individual while creating a beautiful life together. Look at Yung Pueblo or Create the Love and they describe exactly what I have always been dreaming of: a strong deep connection, a long-lasting bond based on values like authenticity, honesty, loyalty and trust, with someone who is also my best friend. I wish to spend the next 40 years of my life laughing and sharing views of this wonderful world with someone.
In my work, I’ve let myself down too. I had stopped believing that I was helping people. I still struggle there a lot. So many customers leave wonderful reviews every day and yet I have a hard time accepting them as real. Again, this energy is telling me there is something else out there, or within, waiting to be let out. Warming people’s hearts by sharing Nature’s beautiful gifts is one dream I dare to type out here, now. Helping people heal is another dream.
I have to own up to those dreams now. I have no choice. I stepped up for myself, I cannot go back.
These dreams I long thought were too far to even believe in them anymore. I had let them fade away. With heartbreak, they get pushed to the end of priorities as if they shouldn’t matter anyway. That’s what the sense of failure does to you. You end up living in regrets, stuck in the past, blocking yourself from seeing anything bright ahead when in fact, right there is another life ready for you if you’re just willing to look up.
This is what this energy is nudging me to go for. And I have to let it. I chose this path. So I have to let it. This energy is asking me to allow success. To allow abundance. To allow all the goodness I was hiding away from in the fear of being hurt. Again.
This energy is pushing me from behind, into the light. Every day a step closer.
And I am in love with this energy. But also so scared by it. It’s so soft, so earthy, gentle, and slow. But God is it strong. It’s very scary. I don’t quite know where this is leading me, or how I can handle it, if I can handle it even. Maybe eventually it fades away? Maybe I need to stand up like that, unapologetically me, sharing out loud what it is I want, simply because I am me and that’s enough. Because I am worthy of receiving what I wish for.
I want to be of service. Every day.
In March this year, I made myself the promise that from now on I would listen AND trust my intuitive voice. That I will not push it aside anymore. That I will not ignore it until I was going to be proven wrong once more. So I started to listen to it. The more I listen, the louder it talks. The louder it talks, the more it freaks me out. I don’t know what to do with that power. I don’t know how to use it. I worry it is stronger than me, that I cannot handle it.
So for now, I come here, in this safe space, vulnerable, sharing what it feels like for me at this point.
It’s there. I cannot avoid it. And I am ready for it. I just hope I can handle it.
I want to be of service. Every day. In small and bigger ways.
Here’s the spread I made for September.
Thank you for reading. Hugs to you.
Stickers and tags by Crate Paper.
One Little Word is a project by Ali Edwards.
