The purpose of this blog is to write down my raw feelings and to describe and process them in order to grow, heal, and move forward in this life. I am happy to share my journey here, just in case it inspires or supports you too in your own path. Reading about other people’s experiences has tremendously helped me, it made me feel less alone and by seeing other people share their own journey, certain things resonated with me and it felt heart-warming. I was never alone in this.
When you embark on the journey of awakening, a big transformation can happen, and God knows how lonely this may feel, and how scary walking forward in the unknown can be. If that’s where you find yourself now, please remember that you are not alone.
I’d like to share a story that started with the first lockdown in Spring 2020. So many things changed for us all. As an introvert, I was totally fine being at home on my own. I am grateful to be in the countryside and I can spend hours walking in fields by myself or crafting at home. But when the thirst for working on something bigger became the goal of each day, I started looking for joy and satisfaction through creation.
This made me realize a few things:
– How I spent time sending healing to others through daily meditations
– How I enjoyed reading oracle cards, as empowering positive messages to help to keep on looking forward.
Those activities that I was doing effortlessly every day became things I would look forward to doing, anchors in my own life, some of those things that lockdown makes you hold onto instead of disregard.
So I thought that it might be something worth looking into further. That’s when doubts came up. Am I not supposed to be gifted with psychic abilities from birth to be able to do this? Is intuition something that can actually be developed as a skill?
I’ve always had doubts about myself and my own capabilities (don’t we all?), but this lockdown period has helped me to put those aside and focus on finding joy every single day. Because living alone, if I didn’t give these joyful moments to myself, then who was going to do that for me? Later on, I found empowering and supportive people and groups online as well as classes and everything I needed to move in this direction if I wanted to.
And I feel so grateful because it made me realize that doing this is possible. It’s available. It’s accessible. I am not yet at the point to offer readings. Oracle card reading led me to tarot, and this has deepened and enhanced this route, I love it, but it will take time.
I still have to push my fear aside. I acknowledge them but they don’t take over. I know this fear well by now. It’s linked to love, to the will of doing my best, it’s the voice of the heart that means I do care about this, that this matters to me. It tells me that it’s worth taking the risk, jumping in, taking a leap of faith. Going for it.
That’s what Trusting truly is about. Being open to what will happen without knowing the outcome yet. That little voice from your heart is pure power.
So I’d like to focus a bit more on the power of Energy itself. The lockdown also helped me to truly take care of myself in ways I wouldn’t have done previously. I have learned to respect myself, my body and my feelings more than ever before. I felt so much strength coming out of this, something that I never really thought of before. Energy, power, strength. These are masculine energies I’ve always been intimated by. So I wondered where did this strength come from? And I realized it’s because (and hold on, this is a big thing okay) I have learned to nourish myself with my own love. That’s where my energy and strength come from. I know, it sounds cliché, it’s something that maybe will feel too spiritually weird, but I’d like to explain. Also, I want to record this for myself for days when I might need it.
I believe this: in life, we are all looking for one and the same thing: to hear, trust and follow the voice of our own heart.
We might hear this voice, in whispers, but the world we live in makes us focus on other things from a very young age, and we get stuck there.
But what will ultimately bring you inner peace? Or liberation? Power? Courage? Freedom? Love? Happiness?
— Your own heart. Nothing else ever will.
I’ve learned this last year, I have experienced it many times since then, and now I can only confirm that this is the one true path to happiness and freedom. It’s always available to us all, it’s right here, right now. Within. Not outside.
We so often think that we have to look outside of ourselves to find that thing that will complete us, that will make us whole, happy, worthy of being noticed or recognized. Nope. Still doesn’t work this way, it never will. When we look for things outside of ourselves, we might be looking for shiny cars or powerful work positions, wealthy-looking things, famous names, anything that will bring an ephemeral satisfactory feeling. And that’s the problem. It won’t last. Soon the shiny car is outdated, the famous name has been replaced, the work position has been taken over. And we find ourselves empty again, hunting for the next thing, but knowing deep within, this is not the answer to what we’re truly looking for. Because we’re looking in the wrong place. Because no one ever told us where it is we have to look. No one ever taught us where power, love and joy really came from, or how to nourish it, how to truly look after ourselves. So we cover our fears up in fake sparkles, hoping no one will notice the emptiness that is still waiting for our own loving.
For a lot of us, this year and lockdown has brought a lot of disruptive events, outside of our control. You may find yourself powerless and empty right now. But I’d like to say: if this where you are, then this is a gift of life itself. As hard as it may be to hear, if you shift your perspective just a little, it is your chance to start again. From within. Somehow lockdown happened to me last year, when I hurt my back. But it’s the same now.
When everything around you disappears, it’s in fact the best present life can ever give you. For it is showing you the Way. Back. To. Your. Heart.
Going inwards, within, can seem too difficult. There’s a lot of dusty crap in there. We all have that. Big loads of junk we keep but we don’t even know why. You feel that if you detach yourself from all the burden you have accumulated over the years, whether it looks like a big beautiful house, a remarkable job (that doesn’t make you happy) or a bunch of regrets, that you will be nothing. You still believe that everything outside of you is still what defines you. That once you let go of the load, you will no longer exist because nothing will replace those things. That’s a trick. It’s a resistance process that your mind starts because it doesn’t like Change.
All you can do then, is nothing. Stop. Let those thoughts dismantle themselves until there is no more noise. Because that noise is what we’re used to. That’s also how we grew up. Empty spaces are scary, so no one ever was taught to stay silent or alone for a while, because that’s being regarded as weird, retarded, socially awkward. When it’s the very opposite. We need to unlearn to keep busy, we need to understand that’s not what makes us whole. We need to re-learn, to remember, that the noise of our mind is blocking the way to our heart. Our heart is and always will be the return and starting point for absolutely everything we will do, big or small. When we find that way back, real life begins.
When we go back to our heart, we Become, we Are.
Only from there we can start doing things again.
You cannot do anything if you cannot exist simply as you Are.
I hope I make sense. When we see someone shine from the inside out, we wonder what it is that person does to get there, to do that. That person doesn’t do anything. That person is simply at peace with herself, in balance with her light and her shadow. That person can’t ever give away her light, but she can show you the way to your own. She already is telling you, it is possible. It is real. Because you can see it. You can feel it.
When you feel, you Are. You Connect. There is no action. It’s all in the Being, not in the Doing. You Are, as soon as you enter your heart space. It’s always here.
Your mind will surrender to it after a little bit of training. Your heart will command the pure intentions of who you are meant to be, and your mind will get organized to make your wishes become reality. That’s true alignment. When your mind, your body and your heart all get along to achieve something that feels right. That’s how you reach inner peace. That’s how you start shining from within, that’s how you exist without feeling like you need anything else outside of yourself to complete you.
Come back to your heart, your home, your centre. When you’re here, you just ARE. At one with yourself, at one with the world around you. Others will instantly feel it, connect with you, all in mutual respect, honour, humility, acceptance, and love.
And you know what, this is not a fairy tale. This is real. This is how I’ve been feeling every single day since May 14th 2019. I’m only here to tell you that it does happen. That good energy is accessible to everyone, me and you and the whole planet. Harmony is accessible, peace is available, love is already within each of us. This pure strength coming from your heart is only waiting for your signal to expand.
Many virtual hugs x
PS. Im still trying to find the best words to describe all of this. If it resonates with you I’d love to know which part, so feel free to get in touch or comment if you’d like.