And it’s been really hard for me lately. My life is almost perfect, I work from home alone, I live an easy and quiet life by the seaside, near beautiful valleys and fields. This is the result of choices that I have made over the last 5 years towards my own happiness and inner peace. I feel so grateful for the life I live today, and I would not change it for anything else. But I still struggle in some areas where I feel out of balance. I am ready for a serious relationship but I feel like most people still don’t understand me. And this makes me feel lonely. I am almost 37 and I have no children. I don’t know if I will ever do, but I sure want to share the rest of my life with a special someone.
Dating is not easy. Finding a partner who truly understands my need for alone or quiet time is challenging, especially since I seem to attract the most extroverted kind, who likes to be surrounded by constant noise, other people, and who never wants to spend time alone because it doesn’t make sense. The first weeks of the relationship are always so nice, things go well, but then I slowly find myself suffocating, because I cannot always meet their need for constant attention anymore, and because they don’t understand that spending time by myself is how I recharge. Early communication has also been unsuccessful lately, which now makes me feel like if I’m not with someone wired the same way, then the relationship will be heading towards a cul-de-sac anyway. I know it’s not the case for everyone, I even dated an extroverted man for a good few years, but at least he totally understood this need for space since he also had the same need, so we worked out great on that side. But since then, it’s been a real challenge for me.
So many times I have been telling myself that I have a problem, that I should want to have more contact, that my need for alone time is maybe some symptom of a mental illness. So many times I feel guilty for liking or needing to be alone. So many times I’ve noticed the look on other people’s face that I’m a bit weird for hanging out by myself so much. And so many times I’ve been thinking that something was surely wrong with me and that I either needed to change or I should accept that I will spend the rest of my life alone.
Most of my friends are extroverts, only my younger sister and my dad are fellow introverts. Even though I get along so well with people in general, I sometimes feel lonely. I often hear from people that they feel so comfortable around me, that I make them want to open up to me, and of course, I let them, because it’s in my nature to be a good listener. But when the time comes for me to try and create a deeper bond or connection, things become a lot harder, as the ones who need to talk aren’t necessarily the ones who truly have the space to listen. When this happens, I find myself out of balance again and the easiest way for me is to withdraw from the relationship altogether in hopelessness. I think I still need to learn how to create healthy boundaries, but that comes first by fully accepting that this how I function, that I am introverted and that it is ok.
I didn’t really know where this post was heading when I started writing it. I’ve spent a lot of time lately reading other introvert’s blog posts and it filled me with relief, so I wanted in turn to share my recent experience.
The word I chose for this year is RISE. I feel that in order for me to do that, to open myself up as I truly am, to bloom, I need to accept that this who I am.
So here it is: I am an introvert, and there is nothing wrong with me.
If you can relate, here are a few blog posts that really resonated with me:
The Introverts Love Affair with Solitude, will it always be taboo?
If we can’t be magnificent and independent together then I’m ok alone
I’m sorry I hurt you in order to save myself
What’s really going on when the introvert you’re dating says “I need space”?
6 introvert struggles