I think I’ll pass on the intro for this post, I tried to write something along the lines of, “I hope you’re doing good despite these crazy times” (and I really do hope so) but this year is weird and I think we may all agree on that? So here goes.
If you’ve been following my journey then you may already know that it’s been quite a foggy road since the end of last year for me, as I have absolutely no clue where it is I’m going with my life purpose, my career, my work, my message. Physically, I am in the right place, but for the rest, on most days it still feels quite uncomfortable.
The purpose of this blog is almost like a diary for me, a place where I acknowledge and process things as I write and a place where I am happy to share my journey in case it inspires or supports others in their own path. I know that reading about other people’s experiences has tremendously helped me and it still does today. When you embark on the journey of awakening, a big transformation happens, and God knows how lonely this may feel, and how scary the newness of life can be.
I’ve been doing a lot of energy work lately and I’ve been wondering and learning more about this as well as power, and strength. Lockdown is what made this happen. As a big introvert, I was totally fine being at home on my own and only spending time walking in lost fields by myself or crafting. But then the thirst for working on something bigger became the goal of each day, and by actively looking for joy and satisfaction through creation, I started to realize a few things: how much I enjoyed sending healing to others through daily meditations, and how I enjoyed drawing and reading oracle cards, as empowering positive messages to help to keep on looking forward. Those activities that I was doing effortlessly became things I would look forward to do every day, the things that lockdown makes you hold onto instead of disregard.
Then doubts came up. Am I not supposed to be gifted with psychic abilities from birth to be able to do this? Is intuition something that can actually be developed as a skill? I have always had doubts about myself and my own capabilities (don’t we all?), but this lockdown period has helped me to put those aside and focus on finding that joy every single day. Because living alone, if I didn’t give these joyful moments to myself, then who was going to do that for me? Then later on I found empowering and supportive people and groups online as well as classes and everything I needed to move in this direction. And I feel so grateful because it made me realize and understand that doing this is possible. It’s available. It’s accessible. Now I’m at the point where my website will be live and I will offer readings. This is so scary. Although now at least I’ve learned to recognize this scary feeling as a special and positive one. It’s linked to love, to the will of doing my best, it’s the voice of the heart that means I do care about this, that this matters to me. So it’s worth taking the risk, jumping in, taking a leap of faith. Going for it. That’s what Trusting truly is about. Being open to what will happen without knowing the outcome yet. That little voice from your heart is pure power.
So I’d like to focus a bit more on the power of Energy itself. The lockdown also helped me to truly take care of myself in ways I wouldn’t have done previously. I have learned to respect myself, my body, my feelings more than ever before. I felt so much strength coming out of this, something that I never really thought of before. Energy, power, strength. Masculine energies that I’ve always been a bit intimated by. So I wondered where did this strength come from? And I realized it’s because (and hold on, this is a big thing okay) I have learned to feed myself with my own loving. That’s where my energy and strength come from. I know, it sounds cliché, it’s something that maybe will feel too spiritually weird, but I’d like to explain. Also, I want to record this for myself for days when I might need it.
I believe this: in life, we are all looking for one and the same thing: to hear, trust and follow the voice of our own heart.
We might hear this voice, in whispers, but the world we live in makes us focus on other things from a very young age, and we get stuck there. But what will ultimately bring you inner peace? Or liberation? Power? Courage? Freedom? Love? Happiness?
— Your own heart. Nothing else ever will. I’ve learned this last year, I have experienced it many times since then, and now I can only confirm that this is the one true path to happiness and freedom. It’s always available to us all, it’s right here, right now. Within. Not outside.
We so often think that we have to look outside of ourselves to find that thing that will complete us, that will make us whole, happy, worthy of being noticed or recognized. Nope. Still doesn’t work this way, it never will. When we look for things outside of ourselves, we might be looking for shiny cars or powerful work positions, wealthy-looking things, famous names, anything that will bring an ephemeral satisfactory feeling. And that’s the problem. It won’t last. Soon the shiny car is outdated, the famous name has been replaced, the work position has been taken over. And we find ourselves empty again, hunting for the next thing, but knowing deep within, this is not the answer to what we’re truly looking for. Because we’re looking in the wrong place. Because no one ever told us where it is we have to look. No one ever taught us where power, love and joy really came from, or how to nourish it, how to truly look after ourselves. So we cover our fears up in fake sparkles, hoping no one will notice the emptiness that is still waiting for our own loving.
For a lot of us, this year and lockdown has brought a lot of disruptive events, outside of our control. You may find yourself powerless and empty right now. But I’d like to say: if this where you are, then this is a gift of life itself. As hard as it may be to hear, if you shift your perspective just a little, it is your chance to start again. From within. Somehow lockdown happened to me last year, when I hurt my back. But it’s the same now. When everything around you disappears, it’s in fact the best present life can ever give you. For it is showing you the Way. Back. To. Your. Heart.
Going inwards, within, can seem very difficult. There’s a lot of dusty crap in there. We all have that. Big loads of junk we keep but we don’t even know why. You feel that if you detach yourself from all the burden you have accumulated over the years, whether it looks like a big beautiful house, a remarkable job (that doesn’t make you happy) or a bunch of regrets, that you will be nothing. You still believe that everything outside of you is still what defines you. That once you let go of the load, you will no longer exist because nothing will replace those things. That’s a trick. It’s a resistance process that your mind starts because it doesn’t like Change.
All you can do then, is nothing. Stop. Let those thoughts dismantle themselves until there is no more noise. Because that noise is what we’re used to. That’s also how we grew up. Empty spaces are scary, so no one ever was taught to stay silent or alone for a while, because that’s being regarded as weird, retarded, socially awkward. When it’s the very opposite. We need to unlearn to keep busy, we need to understand that’s not what makes us whole. We need to re-learn, to remember, that the noise of our mind is blocking the way to our heart. Our heart is and always will be the return and starting point for absolutely everything we will do, big or small. When we find that way back, real life begins. When we go back to our heart, we Become, we Are. Only from there we can start doing things again. But you can’t do anything if you don’t exist first, simply as you Are.
I hope I make sense. When we see someone shine from the inside out, we wonder what it is that person does to get there, to do that. That person doesn’t do anything. That person is simply at peace with herself, in harmony with her light and her shadow. That person can’t ever give away her light, but she can show you the way to your own. She already is telling you, it is possible. It is real. Because you can see it. You can feel. When you feel, you Are. You Connect. There is no action. It’s all in the Being, not in the Doing. You Are, as soon as you enter your heart space. It’s always here. Your mind will surrender to it after a little bit of training. Your heart will command the pure intentions of who you are meant to be, and your mind will get organized to make your wishes become reality. That’s true alignment. When your mind, your body and your heart all get along to achieve something that feels right. That’s how you reach inner peace. That’s how you start shining from within, that’s how you exist without feeling like you need anything else outside of yourself to complete you.
Come back to your heart, your home, your centre. When you’re here, you just ARE. At one with yourself, at one with the world around you. Others will instantly feel it, connect with you, all in mutual respect, honour, humility, acceptance, and love.
And you know what, this is not a fairy tale. This is real. This is how I’ve been feeling every single day since May 14th 2019. I’m only here to tell you that it does happen. That good energy is accessible to everyone, me and you and the whole planet. Harmony is accessible, peace is available, love is already within each of us. This pure strength coming from your heart is only waiting for your signal to expand.
I wish you a beautiful summer. Many virtual hugs x
PS. Im still trying to find the best words to describe all of this. If it resonates with you I’d love to know which part, so feel free to get in touch or comment if you’d like.