I’m being triggered to write again about what it feels like to find your own centre, your Home within. I recently learned that my empathy sometimes works against me instead of for me. I have this deep and frustrating need to “fix” other people, of carrying their burden, of releasing them of their wounds, their fears, their pain. Only I know now it just doesn’t work this way. It took me years of trial and painful cycles to finally acknowledge that me trying to fix others meant that I needed to look at the wounds within myself that needed healing. But even now that I have “found myself” as they say, I’m still getting tempted on a daily basis to help others even when they don’t want to be helped, and that’s not easy.
I have this tendency of loving people not necessarily for who they are right now, but for their potential, their inner light, their higher self, simply because I can feel it. And when I have taken off the layers that lead me to see the purity of their soul, I embrace it and I forget about the rest, and that in turn makes me go out of my own way to try to make them arrive in this very place of centre, of self. I become reckless in trying to make people see for themselves what I see in them. Only it is not my job or place to do so.
But I feel immensely blessed and lucky to have found this place within, to have finally put down those walls and realised that during all these years, I had only been longing for my own loving. This place doesn’t move, it’s always here, waiting to get a moment of our attention. So if you’re lost, if you’re torn, if you feel broken into a million pieces, and if you are confused as to what to do next and where to go, then do nothing. Don’t go anywhere. Sit on your bed, rest your back against the wall, and spend this moment with yourself. This is what I’d like to say:
No one in this life can carry you, you have to learn to carry yourself. There is no amount of love someone else can give you that will make you feel whole again. You have to find this love inside of you. There is no other way but inward. You need to return to yourself. Start by acknowledging that the things that hurt you do not make for the definition of who you are, but they are the experiences that have led you to this very moment, to where you are right now. This pain, this fear, this discomfort, it’s a message for you that you are changing, that you are awakening, that a part of you is calling you back to who you really are, at your core. The time has come for you to make the very choice that from now you will step into your own light and let this light be the leader of your life, let this light be what you turn to before you make new decisions.
Look at your wounds, and let them go gently, as they no longer serve you. Let them come up, look at all of them, accept that they have come into your life as teachers and messengers, then let them go. The pain that you felt once doesn’t need to follow you for the rest of your life. The decisions you made once do not need to become the decisions you keep on making for the rest of your life. If a well-known pain or fear comes back to you now, it is asking you to let it go. It is telling you that you need to hold on to your heart instead. It is telling you that you’ve already learned this, that you already know better. It is telling you that you are worth feeling something that will bring you joy, and love. It is telling you that it is time that you made a new, different choice. If instead, you choose to hold on to the familiar pain you feel, if you choose to be defined by old decisions, then you are choosing to run away from your very self, you’re choosing anything but your own loving, you’re choosing to escape from who you are meant to be in this life. Why? If you stay stuck in this endless cycle of repeating the same things that make you feel like you’re turning your back on love, then you will not move forward. But your life is worth living. You need to accept this. Don’t choose the escape route. Don’t run away. Stay put.
Because once you feel like there is nothing else you can hold onto, once you feel you’ve reached the very scary part that yet feels invisible, like a huge emptiness, you will meet yourself. Don’t be afraid to arrive into this space, don’t be afraid to open that door, don’t be scared to dive into this part of you that is longing for your own loving, for your own tenderness. For this place will forever become the best place you can ever go back to. You are meant to be. Don’t move. Stay a moment here, with your loving soul. Let it vibrate slowly into your heart, into your eyes, into your ears. Let its gentle whispers soothe you, guide you, bring you back to your centre. Can you see your light now?
No one can move from where they are in order to carry you during the times when it gets too difficult, it just doesn’t work this way. You have to prove to yourself that you are capable of loving and supporting yourself. You are enough. You are ready. You are whole. You are complete. You are Light. You are Love. You will feel so much lighter and better after this, I promise. You are already loved, you can already feel this. You are loved, and you are brave. If you only allowed yourself this quiet moment. Don’t be scared to accept it. You are loved, you are supported, you are here for a reason, not by accident. You are needed. Start to say these things to yourself, every single day until you believe it. This is the only way forward.
You can also listen to this on iTunes, as well as more of her episodes. You can also ask me if you would like to know which one to listen to next or pick one according to how you feel.
This post was very much inspired by her episode “Things I wish someone had told me”.