Three months ago, I was standing in the middle of my living room, looking at my couch. I wondered: “Can I do this? Am I ready for this? This place feels so safe, comfortable, peaceful, quiet. Why would I ever want to leave?” I heard a gentle whisper: You need to leave in order to live. Go get your life back. Walk outside and explore. It’s time you find your treasure.
The next day, in a chilled rhythm, I set out on my own on the road toward the Spanish coastline. The unknown. The discovery. The excitement of new surf spots. The magic of instant connection. The simplicity of being. I had chosen to live a little adventure in order to move forward, to find my own treasure and cherish my life again.
It was a bit like an outdoor game, out in this world, equipped only with the curiosity to find the pieces of my own puzzle. I had to find the courage to acknowledge and put aside this fear of what it will look like when complete.
I felt like I was facing a totally blank page.
What do I truly want? What would make me happy again? Where do I want to be? What do I want to do? What kind of life do I want to live?
There is magic and a great power hidden in this process. There is also a little trick to finding the answers. Because you see, the secret doesn’t lie in the questioning itself, nor is in the response. The secret lies in the beliefs that you hold within yourself while you’re asking this very question:
How do I want to live my life?
What do you even want to hear? Do you want to hear a scary answer or a safe one? Do you want to hear an exciting answer or a calming one? Do you even want to hear the answer at all? Are you ready to hear your truth?
See, the secret lies in how the answer is going to make you feel. It’s better not to ask yourself this question if you’re not ready to hear the answer. Our human side pushes us to feel safe as a priority and so we prefer to pretend to hear something that will make us feel comfortable, unshaken, stagnant. If this happens, then we just made the choice to ignore our intuition. Hearing answers that come with a sense of fear bring discomfort, bring anxiety, bring refusal. So we often refuse to hear those answers that have yet the power to shake our current lifestyle. For a better one.
This is the difference between listening with your mind and listening with your heart. The question remains the same. But you get to choose which part of you decides on your own life.
Therefore, the magic of this process is connected to your will to listen to the real answer. The one coming from within you, not from your conditioning. The answer that will bring a sense of peace within your heart instead of a reassuring thought in your head.
Asking myself these questions from a place of trust and guidance instead of a place of fear was what gave me the strength to move forward. Shifting beliefs from thinking that things will go wrong, I chose to believe that from now on things can also be good. Accepting that light and darkness live alongside together, that there is no white without black, I am only left with a choice: how do I wish to condition myself? The answer was simple. For so long, I settled for less, I ignored the truth and I let other people’s beliefs lead my entire life. It didn’t serve me well. Now, I choose the scary jump that brings joy, I choose discomfort that brings growth, I choose to show up for myself even if it means disappointment to others. All of this because I make decisions from my heart centre and this is what happens:
I feel guided when I listen.
I listen because I'm curious.
I'm curious because I love life.
And that's when in turn, life loves me back.
The magic truly happens when you tune in with yourself and observe your emotions with kindness, without judging them. Each day, diving slowly away from your head, down into your heart. So I let myself be guided. During the past 3 months, each day I observed, listened, meditated, wrote, observed some more. And each time I connected with myself, I found clarity, comfort, safety. Those feelings I feared I would lose when looking at my couch in my apartment were in fact within me this whole time. I am my own source of comfort, safety, peace, warmth, and love.
In the past 3 months, I have taken this road trip, I slept outside in nature, I journaled each day, I connected with driven, gentle humans, I moved out of my apartment, moved countries once more, and I arrived back to the place I used to call Home, the place that still makes my heart sing and my whole being feel like I have arrived where I am meant to be.
As this year slowly gets to an end, I find myself reflecting on what an incredible journey it’s been. I can only say how thankful I am to have arrived here again, within me, and here on this planet as if now that both have aligned together, I can finally start to live fully.
Thank you for reading.